Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize