how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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