While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
