____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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