Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
