you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
