very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize