i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
