and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
