So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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