Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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