every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
