Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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