She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
