She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
