Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you still have your period?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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