After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
