the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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