So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
