What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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