I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize