Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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