were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
