this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
