I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
