you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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