he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
