his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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