I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
