I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
