i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
