Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Jerry, you need to find god
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
