I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
