I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
