we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
