Have you finally orgasmed yet?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
