apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
