It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
