my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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