oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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