I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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