i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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