Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
