I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
