my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize