Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
