He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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