wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
