I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
