Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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