She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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