Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
