You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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