can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I need to stop coming to work sober
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
