After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
