Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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