I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
do nipples grow back?
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