I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
