girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
