oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
