question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
