And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can text with my tongue
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
