I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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