i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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