you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
