oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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