I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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