Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
