My underwear smells like fireworks.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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