11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
