Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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