i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
