youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
