Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Boobs are out for the taking
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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