I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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