He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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