Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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