I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
