I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
