Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize