and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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