hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
