wat bout pragnant strippers??
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
