and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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