Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
