But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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