): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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