Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
