Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize