I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
