I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
