I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
