Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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