I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
