Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
