dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
