He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
