I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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