remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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