This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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