trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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