i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
