You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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