So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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