She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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