Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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