there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
