so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
