I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize