Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
