Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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