so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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