i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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