so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
