I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
