she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
