the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
